Jokes About Being Sick: Laughter is the Best Medicine

The struggle is real when that familiar tickle starts in your throat, or your energy dips faster than a roller coaster on its initial plunge. Being sick is no fun, but who says you can’t find a little humor in the misery? Injecting laughter into your day, even when you feel like a walking germ factory, can actually make you feel a bit better. After all, laughter is the best medicine… or maybe the second-best, after chicken noodle soup.

This blog post is dedicated to all those battling the sniffles, coughs, and aches. We’ve compiled a collection of hilarious jokes about being sick that are sure to brighten your day. Consider this your prescription for a good chuckle—no insurance required! So, wrap yourself in a blanket, grab a mug of tea, and prepare to laugh your way (almost) to wellness.

Jokes About Colds and the Flu

Let’s kick things off with the bread and butter of being under the weather: the common cold and its more aggressive cousin, the flu. When your nose is running a marathon and your body feels like it’s been hit by a truck, sometimes all you can do is laugh – or at least try to.

1. Why did the germ cross the road? To get to the other sneeze!
2. What do you call a sick parrot? A poly-un-sick-urated bird!
3. I hate when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it missed its nap.
4. I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
5. When I feel like my body is falling apart, I just tell it to get it together.
6. Getting sick is just your body’s way of telling you that it’s time for a pajama day.
7. Flu season has the worst cast and plot twists in the history of seasons.
8. I’m not sure what’s worse: the cough or the constant stream of unwanted health advice.
9. Achoo! Sorry, did my sneeze interrupt your conversation… or your life?
10. My boss told me to have a good day… so I went home.
11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Achoo. Achoo who? Bless you! Next time, close the door!
12. If laughter is the best medicine, then my immune system is just overdosing on jokes right now.
13. You know you’re really sick when you start saying “bless you” after your own sneezes.
14. My doctor told me I have a rare disease. Luckily, it’s also one I can’t pronounce.
15. The worst part about having a cold is talking on the phone. I sound like a congested Darth Vader.
16. I’m starting to think my immune system is just a suggestion, not a hard-and-fast rule.
17. My sickness is a plot twist, which I feel I could live without.
18. You know, the world would be a better place if we could just sneeze without attracting unwanted attention.
19. My house is so clean, people have stopped believing I live here. Thank you, cold!
20. Can’t tell if it’s allergies or a cold. Either way, send help… and tissues.
21. Doctors are always rushing because they don’t want to catch what you have.
22. I think I need a holiday from my holiday.
23. Feeling under the weather? The weather is winning.
24. My bed and I love each other, but my alarm clock doesn’t want us to be together.
25. I decided to stop calling the bathroom “John” and renamed it “the Jim.” I feel so much better saying I go to the Jim first thing every morning.
26. I’m at the age where my body needs a nap in the afternoon.
27. I’ve reached that age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.
28. It’s weird being the same age as old photographs.
29. Age and glasses seem to enable me to see people as they really are.
30. I wish I was a kid again, because skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts.
31. I’ve been trying to make a group for procrastinators, but I haven’t gotten around to it yet.
32. So, I went to see a faith healer, and he managed to cure my faith.
33. The only thing that comes to those who wait is wrinkles.
34. I hate when my foot falls asleep during the day, because that means it missed its nap.
35. I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
36. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers.
37. They say marriages are made in heaven. So are thunder and lightning.
38. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? I heard the food was good, but it had no atmosphere.
39. Found out that I am a terrible carpenter. I tried to make a chair, and it came out bad.
40. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology; please don’t read it.

Puns About Pain

Sometimes, sickness brings along unwanted companions like aches, pains, and general discomfort. Lighten the load with these pain-related puns. After all, if you can laugh through the pain, it might just hurt a little less. Or at least, it’ll distract you for a minute!

If you’re feeling achy these puns might make you laugh, but unfortunately they won’t get rid of your back pain.

1. It hurts to say, but I’m feeling pun-ished by this pain.
2. Feeling bad about myself? Naaah, I’m great at it!
3. What did the knee say to the ankle? I kneed you around!
4. I love to write things that make my dog bark. Poetry in motion.
5. Never ask an optometrist to make a painkiller: you’ll just get eye relief.
6. Aching for a better time? Join the club… it’s a pain in the back!
7. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
8. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
9. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
10. Local book store has sections labeled “Mystery”, “Thriller”, and “If you like Mystery, you will love Thriller”.
11. My boyfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer him up by getting him an identical one. He was furious. “What am I supposed to do with two dogs?”
12. My grandpa has the heart of lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
13. I’m trying to come up with more pain puns, but my creativity seems to be aching to get out!
14. What do you call sad coffee? Depresso.
15. I used to hate facial hair…..But then it grew on me.
16. I really wanted camouflage pants, but couldn’t find any.
17. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
18. How do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!
19. Don’t spell part backward. It’s a trap!
20. I used to be afraid of hurdles, but then I got over it.
21. It’s a real stretch to find humor in my tendonitis, but I hope I do!
22. My dad’s good at telling jokes. I guess it’s in his genes.
23. I just finished reading a book about puns. It was very punny.
24. After hours of searching, I finally found my missing contact lens. As I was putting it in, I thought, “I should have seen that coming.”
25. People shouldn’t be trusted with paper. They’re always up to something.
26. When chemists die, they barium.
27. I’m going to start a business making wooden shoes. I don’t know how to do it, but I’m going to give it my best clog.
28. Have you ever heard about that Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
29. I just got fired from my job at the road construction crew for being too laid back. Guess I couldn’t cut it.
30. I just found a new sport I’m really good at. It’s called “Avoiding Responsibilities.”
31. I used to hate my roommate for his obsession with his saxophone. But after a while, I grew to love his constant sax appeal.
32. I have many hidden talents. The problem is, even I can’t find them.
33. Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That’s just how I roll.
34. You are not lazy, you are on energy saving mode.
35. Be strong, I whispered to my Wi-Fi signal.
36. I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
37. My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so now I drink in front of a mirror.
38. When your car breaks down, did you always get the feeling that the car is simply giving up?
39. Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.
40. I don’t have gray hairs; I have wisdom highlights.

Doctor, Doctor Jokes

A visit to the doctor is practically a rite of passage when you’re sick. So, let’s poke a little fun at those white-coated professionals and the sometimes-absurd situations that unfold in their offices.

Doctors play an important role in society, that is why we appreciate them with some light jokes, but be sure to always follow doctors’ advise.

1. Doctor, I think I’m shrinking! You’ll have to be a little patient.
2. Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a dog! How long have you felt this way? Since I was a puppy!
3. Doctor, I have a serious memory problem! Since when? Since what?
4. Why did the microscope break up with the beaker? They had no chemistry.
5. Why don’t skeletons like going in elevators? They don’t have the stomach for it.
6. My doctor told me to cut back on sandwiches after seeing my X-rays.
7. My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffers from madness. I said no, they all seem to enjoy it!
8. What did the doctor say to the peanut? I’m nuts about you!
9. What do you call a medical student who barely passed? A doctor!
10. Why did the bandage become a lawyer? He was good at wrapping things up.
11. Doctor: You need glasses. Patient: But I already have four! Doctor: Then you need eight.
12. Doctor, I’m invisible! I can’t see you either.
13. What’s a doctor’s favorite drink? Ginger Ale-ment!
14. Why did the nurse need a red pen? In case she needed to draw blood.
15. Doctor, I can’t feel my legs! Then what are those? (Points to the doctor’s legs)
16. Why do doctors make bad golfers? They always slice!
17. What’s a doctor’s favorite type of tree? A pa-tree-ent!
18. What did the sick house wear? Cough drops!
19. What does a doctor write on prescriptions? Hieroglyphics!
20. What do you call a doctor who fixes websites? A URL-ogist.
21. Doctor, I feel like a set of curtains! Pull yourself together, man!
22. Doctor, I’m addicted to Twitter! I don’t follow you.
23. A man tells his doctor that he’s lost his sense of humor. The doctor tells him to wait there, then disappears, only to return moments later dressed as a nurse. “There you go. That should cheer you up.” The man remains stony-faced. “I don’t get it,” he says. The doctor sighs. “Neither do the nurses.”
24. I think I have an ear infection. What did the Otolaryngologist say? I haven’t heard from him yet. Ha!
25. I am thinking about opening a new restaurant called “The Waiting Room”. What do you think? I don’t know I’m not a doctor!
26. If you need me, I’ll be at the library looking for a book on paranoia. What is it filed under? I don’t know, but it’s probably there behind you!
27. Why did the sick bird go to the hospital? For tweetment.
28. Some people don’t think kissing is very sanitary. I think it passes the lips test.
29. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
30. My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!
31. The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself, “This changes everything.”
32. I just found out that I’m terrible at carpentry. Guess I’ll never be able to make something of myself.
33. What’s the difference between a smart doctor and a dumb doctor? One knows what ails you, the other ails what you know!
34. Why do surgeons wear masks? So, if they botch the operation, no one can tell who did it!
35. How can you tell if a doctor is lying? He’s your doctor!
36. What’s a doctor’s favorite cereal? Wheaties.
37. What kind of car does a cardiologist drive? A heartz!
38. Why do they call it an examination “room?” Because they examine you there!
39. What’s a doctor’s favorite soft drink? Dr. Pepper!
40. What do you call a medical expert on fish? A sturgeon general!

Medicine and Treatment Humor

From the dreaded taste of cough syrup to the never-ending quest for the perfect remedy, medicine and treatments are ripe for comedic fodder. Let’s find some humor in the healing process.

This part might taste a little bit bitter, but you can have some ice cream after finish reading this section!

1. Why did the vitamin stop taking the medicine? Because it thought it was already fortified!
2. What do you call a fake antibiotic? A placebo-cebo!
3. I tried to explain to my pharmacist that I needed medicine for my broken heart, but he kept pointing me to the antacids.
4. Is your name Google? Because you have everything I’ve been searching for.
5. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
6. I just bought a new fridge magnet that says “Everything happens for a reason.” It fell off.
7. What did the sea say to the iceberg? Nothing, it just waved!
8. What do you call a girl between two posts? Annette
9. I caught my mom vacuuming the living room with our cat. I asked her what she was doing. And she said, “cat-hair-ing the living room.”
10. What does an atheist say when they catch a cold? I got a non-belief system
11. I hate Russian Dolls – they’re so full of themselves!
12. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
13. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
14. What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop!
15. How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side!
16. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired!
17. What shirt should you wear to a tea party? Your t-shirt!
18. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
19. When chemists die, they barium.
20. What do you call a sad strawberry? A blueberry!
21. What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk!
22. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated!
23. What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea!
24. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
25. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
26. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick!
27. Who ate all the books? A bookworm!
28. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because she was stuffed
29. What does the sea say to the sand? Nothing, it just waves.
30. Why did the coffee go to the police? It got mugged.
31. What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 8k? HDMI.
32. What is a vampire’s favorite fruit? Neck-tarine.
33. Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.
34. It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
35. I just watched a documentary about beavers and I was dam impressed.
36. I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now
37. My friend is dating a woman who’s into astronomy. He says she’s super hot and they have great chemistry.
38. I just bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day
39. I’m convinced that the last thing my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket was “I wonder how far I can kick this bucket.”
40. You know what they say about German sausages? They’re the wurst.

Hospital Humor

Hospitals: the place we go to get better, but also a potential source of humor. Maybe you will not be the kind of person who tells jokes at hospitals, but you can remember these.

1. Why did the ambulance refuse to race? It didn’t want to be called an “ICU.”
2. What’s a vampire’s favorite hospital department? The blood bank!
3. My friend was driving a car made of chocolate today. I asked him “Aren’t you afraid it will melt?” He replied “Nah, I chewse this car!”
4. As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he took one look at it and said, “Does this mean I am half-price now?”
5. My grandma always says that “you have to learn from your mistakes.” That’s why I’m planning on making a lot more mistakes.
6. Today, I asked my wife “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?” She said, “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” So, I suggested the kitchen.
7. I told my girlfriend I needed some space. She said, “Okay,” and locked me outside.
8. If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?
9. My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!
10. I hate Velcro. It’s such a rip-off.
11. My friend was trying to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
12. Need an ark? I Noah guy.
13. I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
14. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? Pouch potato.
15. What do you call a sad strawberry? A blueberry.
16. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology; please don’t read it.
17. I used to be addicted to collecting vintage air conditioners. I am a reformed cool-aholic.
18. A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous; my dogs don’t even own bikes.
19. You should always take an ordinary deck of playing cards with you when you go into the jungle. In case you run into a tiger, you can shuffle them to keep from getting eaten.
20. My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes. So, I hugged her.
21. The patient told the nurse he felt like a pair of curtains. She told him to pull himself together.
22. I went to see a faith healer, and he managed to cure my faith.
23. Going to a fancy dress party as contamination – everybody avoided me all night.
24. I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
25. Why did the robber take a bath before he robbed the bank? He wanted to make a clean getaway.
26. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because she was stuffed.
27. I just found out that I’m terrible at carpentry. Guess I’ll never be able to make something of myself.
28. If you ever get cold, just stand in the corner of the room for a while. They’re usually 90 degrees!
29. What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste.
30. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was too tired.
31. A man is driving his car and sees a penguin walking down the street. He stops and asks the penguin, “what are you doing here?” The penguin replied that he was walking to the hospital. The man felt sorry for the penguin and offered him a ride. The penguin got into the car and the man drove him to the hospital. When they arrived, the penguin thanked the man and said, “I really appreciate the lift.
32. My boss told everyone to have a good day … so I went home.
33. My boss told me to have a good day… so went home
34. It’s amazing that the word dyslexic is so hard to spell.
35. People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.
36. My Dad has the world’s worst Thesaurus. Not only is it terrible, awful, atrocious and rubbish, it’s also really bad.
37. I’ve always wanted to be a comedian. I only tell jokes at home though, because the funny is where my house is.
38. Found out that I am a terrible carpenter. I tried to make a chair, and it came out bad.
39. It’s weird being the same age as old photographs.
40. You see, in this world, there’s two kinds of people, my friend: Those with loaded guns, and those who dig. You dig.

Recovery and Feeling Better Gags

Finally starting to feel like yourself again? Celebrate the return to health with these jokes about recovery and the joys of being well (or at least, well-ish).

It is always good to keep a good spirit until the end, it will help you recover from everything.

1. What do you call a boomerang that won’t return? A stick.
2. Whenever I weigh myself and feel bad about the number, I just remember I can always eat more to feel better.
3. It takes guts to be an organ donor.
4. What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
5. You shouldn’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
6. My grandpa has the heart of lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
7. In the horror movie scene where a character looks in the mirror and sees the monster in the reflection, I would just see myself but, like, more tired.
8. Why did the old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
9. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
10. Someone broke into my house and stole my limbo trophy… How low can you go?
11. People are usually shocked when they find out I’m not a good electrician.
12. I put my root beer in a square glass. Now it’s just beer.
13. What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill.
14. If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?
15. Today, I spilled spot remover on my dog, and now he’s gone.
16. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear!
17. The wedding ring has been found! If no one claims it in 30 days, I’m keeping it.
18. An English man, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walked into a bar. The bartender said, “Is this some kind of joke?”
19. I’ve decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. It was just gathering dust.
20. Why did the gym close down? It just didn’t work out.
21. And so began life as a scarecrow, people keep putting me down.
22. I just got fired from my job at the road construction crew for being too laid back. Guess I couldn’t cut it.
23. A book just fell on my head. I only have my shelf to blame.
24. If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?
25. After hours of searching, I finally found my missing contact lens. As I was putting it in, I thought, “I should have seen that coming.”
26. People shouldn’t be trusted with paper. They’re always up to something.
27. Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
28. What did the ocean say to the iceberg? Nothing, it just waved.
29. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!
30. Need an ark? I Noah guy.
31. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
32. I’m trying to come up with more pain puns, but my creativity seems to be aching to get out!
33. Never ask an optometrist to make a painkiller: you’ll just get eye relief.
34. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
35. What do you call two banana peels? A pair of slippers.
36. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
37. Local book store has sections labeled “Mystery”, “Thriller”, and “If you like Mystery, you will love Thriller”.
38. My boyfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer him up by getting him an identical one. He was furious. “What am I supposed to do with two dogs?”
39. What do you call sad coffee? Depresso.
40. I lost my job as a human cannonball. I just couldn’t handle the pressure.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) About Being Sick

Have questions about sickness, remedies, and staying positive? Here are some answers to common questions:

Conclusion

Being sick might be a drag, but it doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom. We hope these jokes have helped you inject a little bit of laughter into your day, providing a temporary escape from the discomfort. Remember, laughter is a fantastic way to relieve stress. Focus on getting better, taking care of yourself, and finding humor wherever you can. And who knows, maybe sharing these jokes with someone else will brighten their day too! Get well soon!